Saturday, November 20, 2010

The 5 Stages of Loss

For the past 10 days I have been going through an internal struggle...
also known as The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief.
As many of you know 10 days ago Chase's dear and beloved younger brother,
Jess buns, left to go on his mission to Spain for 2 years.
And ever since it has not quite been the same.

The stages I have gone through are as follows...

Stage 1) Denial: It won't be that bad. We only saw him a couple of times a week anyways, time will fly by and we'll barely notice he's gone.

Stage 2) Anger: Wait a minute... Jesse is gone for TWO years. What are we going to do?! Who are we going to tease day in and day out? Who will get mad at us for eating all of his food? Who will constantly circle the kitchen island for hours on end? Who will spill things more times in a day than even I can? How will life go on...?!

Stage 3) Bargaining: If only we hadn't teased him so much. If only we hadn't given him an embarrassing nickname. If only he would've been born in the spring so we'd have a little more time together. If only we could fast forward 2 years in the future...

Stage 4) Depression: the current state in which I find myself. Sad. Very sad. I was looking through Jesse's facebook pictures earlier today and realized I was in this depressing stage. I'm hopeful though that soon I will move on to the 5th and final stage...

Stage 5) Acceptance: He is doing the greatest act of service and will open many hearts towards the Gospel. He is excited to be going to Spain and to be serving the Lord. He is going to be a great missionary and the next 2 years will fly by before we know it!

I can't wait until stage 5. But until then, I will slowly advance and accept his absence little by little. It makes it kind of hard though now that Chase owns Jesse's entire wardrobe...